one way or the other, I began to realize how I haven’t forgive myself completely on not taking my ex-boyfriend seriously (the most endearing guy I’ve got to know, yeah the one before my last good-for-nothing boyfriend).  My 20 years old-self was so distracted by the appeal of latin culture and city that I found it hard to be committed to this one guy from my hometown.. and you know, to think about it, after broken up with him, my world began collapsing, I became this ‘zombie’ who not really sure what to do with her life that she only cares about enjoying the present and made her forget with her obligation or duty as a daughter.

It’s been 7 years, here I am still trying to make peace with myself , letting go past mistake and in bed with regret every single night.



they’d say I’m picky, that I have too much requirement on how my life partner should be.

it’s for life though, then is it so wrong of me to take my time carefully?

I’ve known since quite early, marriage that started with a crumbling foundation eventually would hurt you, your children and your family.

So yeah, I am picky, picky for the well-being, not only me, but for a lot of people close to me.


Perhentian demi perhentian,
Menelaah sejenak
segalanya yang dapat kupetik.
Namun tidak pernahkah
terlintas di benakku
untuk menyempatkan , menanam?
Menanam dan menyirami
bibit-bibit yang dapat
meninggalkan jejak .
Selalu memetik ,
tak pernah menanam.
Hendaknya itu yang harus kuhindari.

Ada yang Salah

Ketika mimpi lebih indah
dari realita.
Mungkin ada yang salah,
dengan caramu menyulam
benang-benang kehidupan.
Tetapi pernah salah ,
menjadikanmu tahu.
Ketika kamu tahu , kamu pun
belajar. Belajar untuk tidak
mengulangi kesalahan yang sama.
Benang-benang itu bisa jadi
sekarang semerawut.
Bukan berarti kelak tidak bisa menjadi
suatu rajutan indah yang layak
kamu banggakan.


Time slips away,
it doesn’t care
whether you are prepared
or not.
Time goes in an instant,
it doesn’t give a damn
if your heart was intact
or not.
Time is a devil,
but you can’t treat it as one.
You have to tread it
gently,then you
might understand better
how to cheat time.

a good omen

longing to extremely care
about other human being
That special being who could fill your mind space
the most.
growing furiously.
It should be a good omen
and not a curse.

Monsters in Disguise

Regrets, they eat you up.
Like a sea, it invites you for a swim.
Then it swallows you.
You’re drowning.
You lose oxygen.
You couldn’t breath.
Then you wonder whether to give up or not.
Maybe you should.
Darkness is what’s left anyway.
aren’t they monsters in disguise?